Yesterday, two times, I faced my fear of heights, let go of my illusion of control that I hold steadfastly to, and took some fateful steps ultimately leading to me dangling, like fish bait, at the end of cables or belays thirty-some feet above the desert. Not precisely my idea of a good time, but definitely rocked my world and caught my attention.
As I drove back home to Phoenix from Miraval, my palms wouldn’t stop sweating because I couldn’t get the sound of my racing, pounding like a racehorse – War Admiral style, out of my head. What the hell did I just do all that for? Over and over and over, I kept going back to that platform. I called my boss and explained there was no way I could come in to work Monday (today) because I had far too much crazy talk going on inside my head. All good stuff, but heavy stuff, nonetheless. I needed another day to marinate in these thoughts, and am really excited that I might be able to let go of some nasty shit (sorry) and stop paying the heavy baggage fees, returning to carry-on. In fact, one of my goals – not a resolution, no resolutions this year – for 2011 is to work to reduce my baggage. One of my closet heroes is Peter Shankman (he’s just so frigging funny, to me, and although I don’t work remotely close in his industry, I enjoy his updates for the laughs) and he got me thinking when I read his No Baggage Challenge. I figured, if the dude can go to Asia for a week without any carry-on baggage, I can find a way to lighten my own, too. Of course, the obvious is he was letting go of actual luggage baggage, but the idea resonated with me all the same.
I almost tripped myself up this morning! After I scrambled my egg whites and brewed myself a cup of fabulous spiced tea a friend brought me from Seattle, I shuffled over to my laptop to grade a few of the lingering papers remaining from the holiday break. I stopped myself, remembered my lamentations of doing that so much in 2010, and turned around, walked out of my bedroom that doubles as my home office, and sat, cross legged, on my sofa (my dining table is still an explosion of birthday gifts opened and some still wrapped), and enjoyed how fantastically I cooked my creamy little egg whites and noticed how yummy my tea tasted. Chloe joined me. It was short, simple, and quite lovely.
So, on now to deciphering my notes in my journal and figure out what I want to do with all of these percolating emotions and thoughts. Right now my head and my heart are so full of bubbling ideas and synapses I feel I’m teaming with more life than the entire Upper Geyser Basin in Yellowstone! Now that I’ve created this catalytic environment for myself, I need to do something.