Just thought I should remember that.
Responding versus reacting. We all have our stories. I don’t have to be what Parker did to me. I don’t have to judge myself for trusting someone who clearly really never deserved any of me. And, I know, for as long as I choose to hold on to that pain, I let him have my dignity. I’m in the space where I’m working through letting it go. And, as I was told, forgiveness does not mean I have to “be okay” with what he did, it does not mean I have to think more of him as a person, it does not mean I have to excuse his physical and emotional (and financial) harm to me. But, it does mean I have the strength to either move aside or to climb over the big pile of junk in my way preventing me from moving forward, preventing me from being – right now – where I’m supposed to be.
Charlene’s husband, Thomas, chuckled as he looked at my pictures of this boulder in a glacier-made field in Yellowstone (in fact, he took some of these — the ones that quite obviously were taken with a camera far nicer than my own and provide the awesomely vibrant colors and details). He was with Charlene and me this day and watched me examine how to climb up the nearly completely smooth stone. He suggested to me later that evening that the boulder is the perfect metaphor for my life – right now.
And, while I’m not completely where I need to be respective to forgiving Parker (and forgiving myself, to be totally honest with you, forgiving myself for falling into him), I’m much closer today than I was yesterday. And as happily as I played on that giant rock on Monday, I hope to move beyond my own rock very soon in a very near Someday.
Because, as so many of us do, we have our stories of being wronged and of being harmed by others who just… do… what they do. And sometimes we sign ourselves up for our pain, but other times we don’t. And either time, we deserved to lay to rest that pain and climb over or walk around the big rock or pile of junk obstructing our view and forcing a lower perspective.