Last night, I was about ready to make myself vomit. I took the day off of work, so I could grade and finish my pre-residency work. And I just procrastinated in the worst possible way, all… day… long! I’d been blogging, photo-editing, searching flights on Orbitz, and mapping my next-weekend’s road trip path on Google maps.
I forced myself to walk out of Lollipop Vintage without the super cute floor length, column skirt that hugged my hips like a perfect opera glove. I cleaned my kitchen, did laundry, and straightened up my dining room and my bathroom, and changed out my sheets as I won’t have time for that on Saturday (residency, ugh). I even cleared off and straightened up my desk.
And Bestie Girl called me at about 9:00 (midnight her time) to which I wailed and I ranted, and I flung my wine glass around as I moaned and groaned that I was spinning and didn’t know what to do for this presentation to cover on my career trajectory.
And Bestie said something like this,
“So this is for your PhD?’
“That you really really like studying?”
“That you’re paying a lot of money to take?”
“That really inspires you and challenges you and makes you feel like you’re learning?”
“Then you just need to get over yourself, dear.”
The clock on my Mac revealed a time later last night that was 1:26 am. And scraping for some sort of direction, I reviewed my presentation of my purpose for my PhD that I drafted and presented in May 2009 for my first residency week. The time stamp on that document was May 14, 2009 @ 1:20 am. Two and a half (almost) years ago, I was in a very similar space, mentally. Stalled, spinning. And so, I revisited my path and before I decided to write about where I think I should be, I would focus on where I’ve been.
And that was… frigging great. in a really great, not sarcastic or snotty way. I helped myself reset and reflect, and after spending the last nine hours in a classroom with my other doctoral learners and soaking in nine straight hours of my body of work, I have more energy already, after this one day, than I felt in a very long time. Reset. Reflect.
And think about next Friday, that launches my planned road trip with two beauties who will accompany me through a little journey that involves some vintage Route 66…