I need to accept, that, in my life, bad things are going to happen to me. They are going to happen because of circumstances and people I allow in, and they are going to happen just because bad things happen. To dwell on the bad things that happened and things bad people did to me, or obsess on the bad things that might happen to me in the future does not protect me from experiencing more pain; it diminishes my capacity for strength and compassion to cope with, overcome, and ultimately forgive. The scarcity of feeling strength, love, and acceptance (personal fortitude, self-love, and accepting me as I am) to be myself and to receive life – good and bad – prevents me from fully experiencing my life; and therefore, prevents me from finding full happiness and completeness in myself. The irony is not lost on me that what I desire the most – inner peace, wholeness, and acceptance – can only be given to me from me, and can only be found by me from within me.
I think I can be scared, feel angry, and acknowledge along a full spectrum of pain, and to feel weak and small and uncertain. BUT – if I go there, I need to fully go. there. And go and feel whatever consequence of pain that naturally develops through that allowance, and resolve to let that experience flow – flow so it moves through me rather than stay and develop suffocating stagnation. Otherwise, despite what I allow myself to believe are my “best” efforts to cultivate the life I crave, nothing will grow. I will not be able to breathe or to move or think with any fluidity or relief. As that is stagnation… Failure to develop, advance, or progress; cessation of flowing or running; staleness or foulness.